WHY IS PUSSY ON A PEDESTAL?

Vagina seems to make the world go round. Throughout history, man has shed blood, sweat and tears to make sure that the woman is secure and properly spoiled. Mans main motivation for achieving great success has always been that if he makes it big, he can entice more women, even hotter women. Historically, a woman's place in society depended on the man she married. Man had to appear successful to land the holy vagina. You see, a woman would go for a knight in shining armor before she would dare bat her eyes at a man who cleaned horse shit off of the palace driveway.

Now let's be clear, vagina doesn't make my individual world even go halfway round...I have never inserted my penis into a vagina. I have never smelled the scent of a vagina. I have never desired to swirl my manly tongue inside of a vagina. Why? Because I am gay.
Clearly, I would not understand why a pussy would be placed on a pedestal, why it drives men wild to the point of spending their rent money on it or even why the vagina is desired in the first place.
Personally, I have a lot of female friends who complain about their periods and the visual of that does not get my dick hard.
I digress.

It seems that men would do anything to simply be in close proximity to a vagina. Take Craigslist for example, I go on there to peruse the personals ads and get my laughs. There are countless men for women ads practically GROVELING at the prospective vagina. These desperate sperm warriors offer trips to Vegas, filet mignon, a Beyonce concert and all bills paid just to have her sit in their face and bat her manipulative female lashes.
Now don't get me wrong, I love women, I don't hate them, but it seems to me that if you have a vagina, you get whatever you want from a heterosexual man. (Especially if you pop out babies with a rich one and go see Judge Disparity about child support)
All that I have is a gay asshole and no one has offered filet mignon for it. Well one time I did get a McDonalds apple pie for it...but I was hungry and he was hung... and well, I was horny but broke in college and tired of Ramen so I was hungry and he was horny and ballin' with two dollars...ok I digress again!

A nice man bought me an apple pie from McDonalds

For the most part I find straight men to be pathetic but kind of feel sorry for them. You see, vagina is not as easy to come by as let's say, gay male ass. Women spend most of their social lives making sure that they are not seen as hoes. They build walls of Jericho around their vagina's which are in fact wetter than the Amazon for some dick, but they can't appear too ready and willing. There must be formalities of dinners, movies, hard-to-get attitudes, evaluations of the mans assets and holier than thou filibusters after she met him in the club while dropping it low on his dick in the first place! But gay dudes...aint nobody got time for hard-to- get, they don't find that shit cute nor necessary to deal with. Gay men are MEN first of all and we all know men are carnal creatures ruled by testosterone. If you think straight men think with their dicks, can you imagine gay men who don't have the societal norms of DINNER AND A MOVIE to contend with?

Let me explain before you disagree. Us gays grew up not being viewed as apart of normal society. We weren't in Casablanca with our hair blowing in the planes wind. We sat up watching Lady and the Tramp wondering when we could get our fucking spaghetti! But chile, we knew pasta was only given to pussy! We didn't grow up shopping for a tuxedo so our parents could take a photo of us with John the TOP before the prom. We had to suck Johns dick in the bathroom while our closet lesbian date waited for us on the dance floor. We usually had to sneak around for our men and we dared not hit on any guys at school. What if they aren't gay? Aint nobody got time for gay bashing!!! So we generally met other guys online, or sent Tommy a subliminally sexual instant message after band practice or paraded our gay asses around a seedy cruising spot at dusk. (Yes I cruised as a teenager, I was a SLUT IN TRAINING!) And when you meet a guy in those circumstances, it's not to discuss the inspiring works of James Baldwin, it's to be face down and ass up!

Being that my world has mainly consisted of me being face down and ass up, I have often wondered what it would be like to be my female friends. You know, sitting at an expensive restaurant, draining him of his entire paycheck. It seems like a woman never has to go hungry. She can post an ad up on Craigslist entitled, "NIGGA I'M HUNGRY, TAKE A BITCH TO RED LOBSTER!" and scores of men will reply, American Express in hand! If my gay ass posted an ad, "NIGGA I'M HUNGRY, TAKE A BOY TO RED LOBSTER!" Then all I will get is speeches about how I need to take my damn self out. After all, to them, I am a grown ass man so I should be the hunter and gatherer, able to feed myself with my own riches. And of course they would refuse to take me out, and offer I come over their place instead for government cheese, stale crackers and a Syphillis infected dick!

The rule is, the straight man has to WORK for the vagina, he has to pay his dues. That is for a woman with self respect. Hoes will lay down for free but men don't generally speak well of them. Gay men do not have to work for gay ass and they generally can have sex whenever they want just like a woman. But a woman, will not only get dick, she will get food and maybe even a shopping spree at RAINBOW! Aint that some unequal shit!

Isn't dinner, movies & shopping for the benefit of eventual sex kinda like prostitution?

What makes these vagina's so special? Why is it that a woman can get paid upwards of $5,000 for her eggs but a man only gets fifty dollars and a cup for his skeet, no matter if he shoots it from the windows to the walls!? Why is it that a woman can get hired as a receptionist before a man can? Why the desire for the general public to see a woman's face when they first walk into a company? Why can't my gay ass sit in that swivel chair and confirm appointments?! OK I admit, I have been rejected from a couple of receptionist jobs over women with tits. AND IF YOU SAW THOSE BALLOON TITS YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT I AM SELF ENTITLED AND SEXIST! So stop coming for me and keep reading responsibly. I can read your mind.

I feel like the feminist movement was wonderful and women can do anything a man can do...but for the most part, women are still able to use their feminine wiles to get what they want. Yes women are not paid equally as men and that has to change. Yes women are more independent than they've ever been before. There are more female breadwinners in households than ever before. What I am saying to you is that socially, women have an ENORMOUS power in their pussy that no gay man can ever conjure from his rectum. There are far more women in the world than there are men, but for some reason, men have been able to acquire most of the powerful positions in the world; consequentially, women have been disenfranchised and exploited by them. However, the power of the pussy has been so great, that when push comes to shove, a woman can manipulate and dominate a man into giving them everything they want. It is so powerful that even lesbians have been known to use this power over men. (And Hilary Clinton aint stopping until she's the President) Men get rock hard over a challenge so it's no surprise they tend to be helpless around sexy lipstick lesbians.

Why do I digress so often? Must be the chain weed smoking I did in college.

Have I made a point? Probably not. This is a blog, not a dissertation or article in a scientific journal. What I am here to do, is to bitch and moan about how women can get taken out to eat, taken on trips, receive rent payments for their eggs and use their cha-bang-bangs to get to high places. But I can't even get an older gay man to make a dollar out of my 15 cents.

I am a not a woman, I do not know what it is like to walk in their stilettos, or their Timberland boots or their Prada loafers. I am merely speaking as a gay man with lots of female friends who have landed card swiping athletes and wheelchair sugar daddies without teeth. It's made me envious, that I can be broke from student loan payments, but I unfortunately do not have the right body part to dare be TAKEN out to eat. Why can't a man be a damsel in distress? Why can't I shake my gay tail feather in a Frank Ocean video? I want the right to be SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AND PAID! Why can't I post a Craigslist ad entitled "BENJAMINS FOR BOOTY" and get paid in an Escalade?! Why is it that I can't strut my gay ass into a bar and have a room full of niggas waiting to buy me a drink?! Why? Because I have a penis. AND THAT SHIT JUST AINT RIGHT!